Dodgeball-Game 2 recap- September 23

“I thought I was coming to play dodgeball. If I’d have known it was gonna be a sweep I would have brought my broom.” These words from first time player Monica Golino couldn’t have been more true last night, as expansion franchise I’d Rather Not Say cruised to 4-0 night with a tremendous team effort. With several players either on the injured, out of town, or “F-U Oak I got shit to do” list, coach O’Connor would call up several players from his farm system to fill the holes. Pete “Yeah, I’m Dangerous“ Spratlin would show off a live arm early on, and quickly pick up several kills in the first game rout against the overwhelmed green team. “We play with a high level of energy, if you don’t match that at the first whistle, we’re tough to hang with,” said O’Connor.

In the second game Michelle aka Blazer would continue her strong push for rookie of the year candidate, as she would continue to show off her Matrix-esque moves on the court. Said O’Connor of Michelle, “As a musician she’s been known to steal teenage boys’ hearts. Tonight she stole us a win.” After cruising to an even more dominating victory in game 2 against the white team, coach O’Connor stressed to his team to not let up, and it was clear at the start of game 3 that IRNS had the pedal to the floor on this night. Game 3 was over from the start, as O’Connor and Josh “Los Bandito” Oshinsky would show off an impressive lightning fast two man onslaught. But the real game 3 highlight was an exciting kill from first year player Randi Pedlow. After O’Connor ripped off a fury of 4 consecutive kills, he found himself in the crosshairs of two overexcited green team players. Said O’Connor of the situation, “You know throughout history every great team has a wildcard. Someone who’s unpredictability is unmatched. You never know what they’re gonna do next. And usually it works out in your favor. Pedlow’s our wildcard.” As he made a feeble attempt to get off one last shot before getting hit, Pedlow notched a kill with well placed foot shot on the 5th green team player as she triumphantly exclaimed, “Wildcard, bitches!” Seconds later, IRNS led 5-0 and never looked back.

Game 4 was more domination from IRNS, with another first year player, Rob “We don’t know his last name cause he hasn’t submitted his email”, making a spectacular play to put the team ahead for good. With O’Connor creeping dangerously close to half court, Rob would sneak behind him for cover, then unleash a bullet into the portly guy from the white team’s stomach. “You underestimated my sneakiness,” said Rob. “Sneaky, sneaky.” The team would cruise from there to their first franchise sweep in what became a statement game to the league as if to say, “Yeah, when you play us, you probably won’t see the ball, but you will hear the words, ‘You’re out.’” When asked about how his team can improve upon a 4-0 sweep going into next week, O’Connor simply replied, “I’d rather not say….”