Dodgeball-Game 3 recap- October 7

Two Words.
Im-Pressive.
Thats just one way to describe the lights out performance Tuesday night from Tom O’Connor’s rising dodgeball team Id Rather Not Say. After sweeping the four game set two weeks ago, the IRNS squad came into week 3 with a tough task ahead of them. Standing in their way of the top spot was defending champion and undefeated purple team and a scrappy if not dorky looking blue team. After making quick work of the blue team in game one, O’Connor and company walked off the floor with a collective, “Well that was easy” look on their faces. Clearly the team was focused and knew where the challenge would be on this night. “Well a lot of credit goes to our scouting department at 3265. The wildcard and blazer keep a watch on the standings so we know what we’re walking into each week,” explained OConnor. “Our team likes to practice what I call the ‘Six P’s.’ Thats Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.”

His words held true against the purple team in the season’s most highly anticipated match up as IRNS stormed out to an early lead on the backs of first year tandem Jared Awesome and Rob the Sniper. “When you’re last name is literally Awesome, you know the other team is gonna be gunning for you early,” said Jared, “I just tried to draw some attention and let my teammates go to work.” The early lead would only expand in the next seven minutes with some poorly placed throws from the Purple team as every other ball seemed to find its way into the hands of another IRNS player. The purple team’s so called superstar, “Johnny Pythons” was seen throwing his headband in disgust as he walked off the floor after his team’s first defeat of the season. The frustrated Pythons later quipped, “I don’t know what happened. I cut my shirt just right, I went tanning today and got a good base. That usually does the trick.”

IRNS would carry the momentum into game 3 against the blue team as the females would lead the way. After big time catches from Wildcard and Monica “Black Widow” Golino, IRNS found itself in familiar situation: dominating on both ends of the court. “Big time players make big time plays in big spots. That’s all I know how to do. Get over it,” said Golino. Not to be outdone first year player Kristina Graeber would unleash a fury of mesmerizing throws that had the blue team folding faster than Superman on laundry day. Like Kirsten Dunst in ‘Interview With the Vampire’, this truly was Kristina’s breakthrough performance. “It’s the way she plays,” noted O’Connor, “Ice cold, no mistakes, she wears you down, you get bored, do something stupid. Then she’s got you.” IRNS cruised to an easy victory, setting up a chance for a second consecutive sweep.

In the rematch with Pythons and the purple team, IRNS would fall behind 5-0 after round 1. They would dig deep into the dodgeball bag of tricks over the next two rounds however, and clawed their way back to an 8-5 lead. “I can’t say enough about the team effort right there,” said O’Connor. “That’s just an outstanding job by a very good team. We stuck with it, and made plays when we had to.” As the frustration on Pythons and company mounted, the purple team would seal its own fate when Josh “el bandito” Oshinsky would pick off two players with one throw. Said Oshinsky, “Hey, I’d rather be lucky then good, but you know, sometimes good players make their own luck.” With that throw the game was over, and IRNS clinched its second straight 4-0 sweep, as Pythons walked away muttering something about “Jager bombs.”

IRNS now sits atop the standings at the midway point, but now the secret is out. IRNS is a forced to be reckoned with. Gone are the days of the purple team striking fear into the souls of opposing teams. That distinction now belongs to a new team with a dynamic cast of charcters. “Getting to the top is the easy part, its staying there that’s difficult,” explained O’Connor. When asked if he has anything special planned to keep his team atop the standings, O’Connor shrugged as he walked away saying, “You should know by now, I’d rather not say….”